Say it
by Rella-Bear
Summary: Gokudera is having trouble expressing his true feelings to his lover, Yamamoto. But are his feelings really not understood?


I do not own any characters included in this story.

I love you.

These three words were the bane of Gokudera's existence. They haunted his every dream and turned them to nightmares. They lodged themselves in his throat every time he tried to say them. They led him to this very moment, where he stood in front of his idiot, Yamamoto Takeshi, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

They had been on their way home when he just stopped and refused to move. When Yamamoto asked what was wrong, he tried to say the words.

I love you – that was all he had to say; the words were at the tip of his tongue and all he had to do was voice them, but nothing came out. Gokudera felt the anger and frustration bubble inside him. He knew he loved Takeshi: he had started to be nicer to the baseball idiot, sometimes made him dinner or watched his games and even stopped yelling at him so much (not completely, of course, just enough to show he cared) unless the idiot did something extra embarrassing (and those times, he reserved to right to yell as many curse words as loudly as he wanted). So he didn't understand why he couldn't tell the dark-haired boy that he loved him – because he really did love him. He had tried many times and all his attempts ended terribly. As he continued to stare at his lover, Gokudera could feel the sting of tears behind his eyes. After all, it seemed this attempt would end the same way.

He blinked rapidly trying to contain the tears, taking deep breaths to control his emotions.

'Wait until you're home', he told himself, 'then you can let it out'.

A pair of strong arms encircled his thin waist pulling out of his thoughts. Yamamoto rested his head atop the smaller boy's head, holding him as tightly as possible. The Italian raised his hands to push the other teen away but found himself clutching Yamamoto's shirt like his life depended on it instead. He didn't even care if someone saw him like this, because in a way, his life did depend on it. Without the happy-go-lucky Yamamoto, life would be so much worse. Without him, Gokudera would truly be alone.

"Dera, I love you," Yamamoto said, easily figuring out what troubling his short tempered lover. He tried to move away to see his lovers face but Gokudera clutched at him desperately. His small hands moved from the front of his shirt to around his shoulders, standing on his toes. Yamamoto was about to disentangle himself when he felt a warm patch begin to form on his shirt, Gokudera is cry. "Gokudera?" he tried to get a response out of him.

"Yamamoto…" the smaller boy started to say his voice low and filled with so much pain Yamamoto winced. "I…I…I…goddamn, why can't I say it?" His voice sounded angry but never rose above a whisper.

Still shocked at the Gokuera he was seeing, Yamamoto just hugged him tighter trying to give him as much love and affection as he held for the young Italian. "It's okay, Dera," he said reassuringly as he slowly rubbed small circles into Gokudera's back. "I already know."

Gokudera just shook his head. That Yamamoto already knew didn't matter when he wanted to be able to tell him himself. "How do you know?" he decided to ask instead.

Taking a minute to think about it, Yamamoto just grinned and said, "I know because you tell me." It seemed to be the simplest thing in the world.

Confused, Gokudera finally looked at Yamamoto. His tears had stopped but Yamamoto could still see the small tear trails going down his cheeks. Not being able to resist he leaned down and kissed Gokudera on each of his cheeks, each still tinged a red hue from embarrassment. Gokudera scowled a little.

Yamamoto's grin grew wider – this was the Gokudera he knew, all feisty and misleading "Ne, Gokudera, you know when I stay over at your apartment or you stay over at mine?'

Gokudera's blush intensified until he was as red as a tomato, remembering all of their 'sleepover' activities. He nodded stiffly.

"Well, you see, you always fall asleep before me," Yamamoto continued, amused by his lover's embarrassment. "Every night since I first stayed over, you tell me you love me. I know you're asleep but it still makes me super happy because that means Gokudera is dreaming about me. And Dream Yamamoto must be doing something to make you happy because you say it all the time. So don't be sad because you get too nervous to tell me in person because I already have so many memories of you saying you love me."

Gokudera was shocked – he hadn't needed to worry so much, since he'd been telling Yamamoto he loved him for a long time. One thing was bothering him, though: the first time Yamamoto had stayed at his house was the day before they started dating. It had been a real sleepover with Tsuna, Mukuro, Hibiri, and Ryohei. They'd had a hard training week and decided to crash at Gokudera's…

Then, blushing, he suddenly realized something. "Y-You knew! You asshole!" Gokudera yelled as he struggled to get loose from Yamamoto's strong grip.

Giving a sheepish smile, Yamamoto nodded "Yes, I knew. That's why I confessed – because I knew you loved me too."

"Idiot," Gokudera huffed as he gave up trying to escape.

Yamamoto gave him a swift kiss. "Hehe, I love you," he said before releasing his grip on Gokudera.

Gokudera still clutched at Yamamoto's back, now reluctant to let go even after he had struggled so hard. "If you love me, you'll carry me home," he ordered. "I'm tired." Yamamoto had teased him enough today so he deserved to be pampered.

Laughing softly, Yamamoto stepped away from the shorter boy, turning around and crouching slightly. "Okay." Gokudera climbed onto his back and, when he'd gotten himself comfortable enough not to fall off, Yamamoto straightened his back and they began toward Gokudera's apartment.

"You also have to cook me sushi," he commanded clutching onto Yamamoto's shoulders. He rested his head on the broad back of his lover filled with joy. He didn't need to worry anymore.

"Okay," the baseball player replied chuckling lightly. He nodded his head in understanding, his Gokudera was always so shy.

Gokudera smiled slightly, he knew he was spoiled, he didn't apologize it was the baseball idiots fault. Taking a deep breath preparing to take the plunge and say it. "I…I still can't say it," he exhaled sadly disappointed in himself.

"It's okay as long as I can stay over, " the dark haired boy smiled broadly.

Gokudera smiled softly, nodding against Yamamoto's back. It still hurt that he couldn't tell Yamamoto that he loved him in person, but he knew that his feelings were heard anyway and, for now, that was okay.


End file.
